For the past 3 years, I have been a parent advocate at a foster care agency. ne parent I worked with from the beginning was a mom whose 5 children were in care because she had not protected them from abuse. Mom love her children but her visits were not going well.

Blaming each other

Mom always had a mean look on her face. One day I stopped and said, "What is wrong?"

"I'm so upset with the foster parent", Mom told me. "My boys are calling me names."

We set up a meeting with the foster mother and it didn't go well. Mom claimed that the foster parent was trying to keep her children. The foster mother went on about how badly the children reacted after visits. I had to tell her, "The children are missing their mother. They are angry when the visits are over." Still, I did not feel the mother was blameless. Her chidlren distrusted her and she did not know how to manage their behavior. I told Mom, "Sit and listen. What part do you play?"

Something missing

As time passed, Mom finished her services and I thought I saw things changing for her. But by then, the children were mad because it took Mom so long to get herself together. They'd say "Our mom doesn't act like a mother". Something was missing - a real connecion.

There's Still Time

One day the foster mother surprised us by asking if she could talk privately with Mom. They sat together for hours. The foster mother said, "No matter what, I will work with ou to help you with your children." Mom walked out crying. I hoped this would be a real turning point. But then Mom went to court and learned the court was getting ready to terminate her rights. The lawyers and judge tried to convince Mom to accept a 'conditional surrender' which would allow her to keep visiting despite adoption. Mom refused.

We were back to square one. Still, I am hopeful. I didn't reconnect with my own children until after my mother adopted them. I hope that for these children and their mother, there's still time.

We are OSU Medical Center's Therapeutic Foster Care program. We have been helping children and families in NE Oklahoma for 15 years. We are located at OSU Regional Medical Center in Tulsa.

The children we serve come form dangerous, abusive, and/or neglectful homes and demonstrate a lot of unhealthy and dysfuntional behaviors. Our mission is to provide a network of safe and healthy homes along with therapeutic services to help these children have positive home life experiences and work through their emotional and behavioral problems. The ages we serve are from 3-18 years old.

Within our network we provide counseling and other therapeutic services for the children and families caring for them. These services include: individual, family, and group counseling; psychotropic medication if needed; counseling with bio-family if reunification is recommended; counseling with adopting families; crisis counseling and interventions; respite care; and discharge planning.

The families we work with are our biggest asset and make our program the success it is. They are a cohesive group who support each other, mentor newer families, and work well with our therapists. We do our best to offer support, education, respite care and assistance to our families to help them in as many ways possible.

Our therapeutic staff have years of experience working with children and families. Their compellation of knowledge, experience, and resources greatly benefit all they work with. They make what could be a stressful environment a fun and enjoyable place to work.